I used to post my thoughts several times a week. I didn't care what people thought about 'em, I thought 'em, I wrote 'em, I loved 'em. If something crossed my mind, I went like a mad man to my laptop.
Then I added a little counter to my blog and I was tickled that I got 10 or 12 hits a day. And after that I added this cool little global hit tracker code on my blog and I was blown away by folks reading my blog from all over the world. Then I REALLY started noticing these two counters... my daily hits went from a few, to a few dozen, to a few hundred everyday. I watched as my blog hits rocketed out of the hundreds and tens of thousands and flew past the 20, and 25 thousand hit mark and folks from all across Europe and Africa and Asia and the Middle East and The Americas started reading my stuff and I suddenly got full of myself. Don't get me wrong - I'm blessed and humbled by the readership on my blog, but I started to get worried about who might get offended, and who might not like what I say, and I started thinking harder and harder about what I should write and I started taking days and days to pick 'just the right subject'. Then I started feeling like I wasn't being true to myself and the things that caught my attention, I think I got kinda' big headed, like I had betrayed the guy that started this blog.
Then I happened past a great blog called "Write For Life" which is run by one of my favorite bloggers - MIZREPRESENT. And she had a quote from someone that read in effect, "it's better to write for yourself and have no audience, than it is to write for an audience and have no self." That has stayed with me, and here I am.
going for self...
Recently, the NAACP had a big funeral service for The N-word. I thought that was a nice thing to do, seeing that I personally hate the damn word! I always think that the NAACP needs to do more things to regain its position of promenance in the Black community, and I thought this was a decent start. Burying the N-Word. Now this is probably only going to stop a tiny handful of Black folks from using the word, and frankly, those of us that are enlightened and intelligent enough to know that the word is a filthy, self loathing, shameful, pathetic, flaming hot brand on the spirit of our race... we've already buried it years ago.
But then you'll still have far far too many young Blacks that aren't smart or strong enough to eliminate the word from their vocabulary and mindset.
I was completely disgusted at the "Racsim & The N Word" forum a few days after the 'funeral' when rapper Da'Brat decided to argue down Dr. Cornell West over her usage and the rap industry's acceptance, need and embracing of the N word. She declared that when Blacks use the word, its softened and warmed up by spelling it Nigga (with an A) and not Nigger (with an ER). Personally, I'm so sick and tired of that lame justification for not having the intelligence or internal fortitude to change your attitude and mindset. It's pathetic!
To be honest, burying the N-word was cute... but what we need to do as a race, especially with certain members of Our Race, is eliminate the N - Mentality. The N Mindset! That is where the Real harm lies - in those men and women who are ego driven and only think of themselves. Who don't care about their children, their parents, or their very own legacy. Those men and women, who care nothing of law and order, nothing about respect for others, older people, younger people - no one! Those thugs and hoodlums who live only to steal, shoot, rob and kill. That N-Mindset is what we have to eliminate in our communities. That is the REAL problem!
I really say this today because a few days ago I went back to my hometown of Baltimore for a wedding. My poor town has truly fallen into a violent, poorly managed, poorly educated, drug haven of a city. It makes me sad. Anyway... I found myself heading west down a large street and I could hear what sounded like a lawnmower in the distance. The only problem was that it was getting louder very quickly as I approached a green light at a fairly busy intersection. When I was about 30 feet from the intersection, this man... a Black guy in his 20's or 30's wearing the standard issued white tank-top... came flying through the intersection on this huge ATV causing several cars to slam on their brakes. First - he ran a red light, Second - ATV's are against the law on Baltimore streets, Third - the intersection was very busy, and Fourth - I don't think he even slowed down to try and avoid causing an accident. It is this kind of ignorant, thoughtless, thugish, primative, egotistic behavior that makes the N-Mindset far worse than the N-Word alone. We have to get rid of both and we have to do it now and we have to use any means at our disposal. These fools are destroying our heritage, our ancestors legacy, our children's future and our current integrity.
A child asked, What is a nigger?
Dr. Cornel West replied, "He's a human being who is scared and without dignity."
And I agree.