Damn, I missed My Blog!!!
I've been wanting to write, and wanting to write and wanting to write and finally, tonight - I stumbled into the perfect storm of free time, access to my laptop, being awake, and something bugging the hell out of me.
No, not the TEA Baggers - I'll get to them tomorrow...
I was just told that this 31 year old guy I know just went out and bought a brand new Mercedes. That by itself is not a bad thing, the bad part is that he still lives at home with MAMA.
I have been hearing so many stories of grown-ass men, mainly Black Men, but I believe that is largely because of the circles I travel in, being well into their 30's and still living at home WITH MAMA. Some even live with MAMA and DADDY, so they can't even say "I'm just looking out for my mom."
There is a 47 year old guy at my job who PROUDLY still lives at his mother's house. I know a 44 year old guy who still lives with his dad and his dad's new wife. I know a 27 year old guy that trots around his parents house carefree like he's 16 and trying to borrow the car keys. I know a 35 year old guy that makes over $90K a year and isn't thinking about leaving home. He's quick to declare that he gives his parents $430 a month. Uh, last time I checked - there were no apartments in the city for $430 a month, so that, combined with the fact that he makes over $90K a year makes him one cheap bastard, one VERY cheap bastard.
What the hell is this about?
I'm going to go ahead and put a little of my family business out there. I have two brothers that are well into their 30's and they are well set to stay at MOM and DAD's house until somebody dies. Honestly, it is that fact that makes me visit my parents less and less. They sit back and accept the fact, almost welcome the fact that these two are just never going to leave home and I just can't grasp that logic.
My mother often says that she knows that my brother X is going to meet a good woman and get married. I've tried to tell her that most Sister's in their 30's that are about anything - have their own places and their own money and they want to go places and do things and enjoy life with a man that is doing his thing, being his own man, LIVING IN HIS OWN PLACE, and not collecting video games and DVD's in his mom's basement. I told her that no self respecting woman is going to want anything serious with a man that has to take her to a motel or a hotel everytime he wants to be close to her. Most women are not going to want to sit in the basement of their 35 year old boyfriend's parent's house on Friday and watch movies. I tried to reason with her to push my brother's into grown-manhood. She declined, said nothing was wrong with them living 'at home' and said that they would leave when they were ready. Then she got a little mad at me so I cut my losses.
I've tried talking to my brothers, well sort of, brother Y and me aren't that close, so we just stay cordial with each other, and brother X always seems to breeze past my suggestions that maybe he needs to get an apartment or something. I think to him, there is nothing to be gained by having your own place, and I guess he expects my parents to live another 50 years and just take care of the house they live in. I try to school him sometimes but he ignores me, he always seems to have some story about how this 'girl' he met at the mall... I'm sorry, he calls women 'fee-males' now... so he'll tell me about how some 'fee-male' he met at the mall is trippin' and won't return his calls.
Sure, maybe I'm being a d*ck, or maybe I'm getting into other folks' business, but to me, I care about my brothers and I care about my parents and I think it's time for my 30+ year old brothers to become independent men and learn to live on their own. Especially my brother X, he is such a nice guy and has such a great heart - I just wish he would mature some and get his own place and try to see the world beyond that little 20 square miles he almost refuses to leave.
But, enough about my brothers - I have been coming across more and more men that live with Mom'an'em. It's funny to me, because I've often wondered how these men present their living situations to women they meet. There is no way I could imagine being 34 again and telling some gorgeous woman, "Yeah, I live on the westside at my mom and dad's house. It's cool, my mom does my laundry on weekends." As fate would have it, I was talking to a guy who was telling me about a buddy of his that makes almost six figures a year and still lives with mommy and daddy. I said, "He still lives with his Mom?" He told me this - exactly, "Yeah, yeah, he lives out there with his people." I said, "His mom and dad?" Again he replied, "Yeah, with his people." So I concluded that maybe that is the cool term to describe living at home with mom and 'em - 'I live with my people." I guess that works.
I think I find myself bothered by the whole 'grown man living with his mom' phenomenon because it seems to be growing and spreading. I believe too many of these 'men' are missing the crucial maturing aspect that comes with being self sufficient. Many of these men are making children of their own who are living with their mama's while daddy refuses to make strides to either marry mama or at least make a Daddy's home for their children. We are in enough of a predicament now with well over half of all Black children being born to single mothers - allowing grown, healthy men to just live at home and sleep in the same bedroom they had when they were 4 years old is insane to me. Insane and crippling in the long run.