When I was single. I looked at marriage as something that either WOULD or WOULDN'T happen. That's about it. I didn't expect to die if it did happen and I didn't expect to die if didn't. I just figured that things would happen as they were supposed to.
Okay, so now I'm married. I'm happy. I'm very happy. I love my wife, my kids and my life.
But that's me.
On the other hand, most of my close buddies are married - in fact, most of the guys I associate with are married, but SOME of their circumstances leave me scratching my head.
To me, in my humble little opinion, a man and a woman should get married when they TRULY love and respect each other. They are ready to make an honest commitment of fidelity to each other, they are willing to share their lives with each other and they are generally ready to try and make each other happy for [hopefully] many many years to come. That's it - nothing fancy, nothing earth shattering.
However, some of the marriages I have seen, with emphasis on SOME, leave me scratching my head.
Now, I'm talking mainly about the guys here. I'm not a woman, so I'm not going to pretend to claim that I fully understand a woman's perspective on marriage, but with some of the guys I know, I just don't understand things.
ONE GUY - is scared of his wife. Scared like a little boy is towards his mama. He has to get advanced permission (PERMISSION) from his wife before he does anything short of going to work. He doesn't "check" with her to make sure his plans don't conflict with hers or with the family as a whole. He has to go ask, "Honey, I want to go shoot pool with the guys on Saturday. Can I go?" And his wife - knowing she has the power - she tells him, "Maybe. I'll see how you act during the week." And, I'm NOT JOKING. HE comes back to us with this lil'sad puppy look and basically puts our plans on hold pending approval from MAMA. There is no way a grown man should need to be married to a MAMA. This drives me absolutely insane!
ANOTHER BUDDY - of mine, is so afraid that his wife will ask him for some time to herself if she allows him to go out with us - that he just doesn't even hang out with us anymore. I'm not sure, but I think he's so insecure that he is afraid that if he goes to a game with us and gets four hours of "time with the guys" that his wife will DEMAND four hours "with the girls" and during these four hours - she MAY NOT be with the girls... she could be CHEATING on him! To him, I just want to ask - "If you are so worried about your wife's fidelity, why even be married? And besides - if she's going to cheat on you, she's NOT going to wait until "Girls Night Out" - she's going to do what she wants WHENEVER she wants. Adultery knows no working hours - it's an around-the-clock industry!
THEN - I have the one buddy who just gets scared when he hangs out with us. We're not doing ANYTHING to be worried about or concerned over. We're either at the movies, or playing poker, or shooting pool, or checking out a game or just hanging out shootin' the breeze. We DON'T do it all the time - once or twice a month at the maximum. We make sure we spend ample time with our wives and our kids and we give our wives time to themselves too - very NORMAL stuff I think - but this one guy just gets so scared when we hang out sometimes. It's as if he thinks his wife WANTS him sitting up under her ALL night. We think she enjoys the time to herself more than him, but he feels like he is doing something wrong by leaving home for a few hours. Why bother?
I could really go on and on about some of the uh, interesting [insane] things I have seen my buddies put up with; subject themselves to; punish themselves for; and ask for more of... but it just drives me crazy!
Marriage shouldn't be painful. It shouldn't be a furtherance of childhood control by a parent figure. It shouldn't be a surrendering of your freedom to another. It shouldn't be something that makes you less than you are and it shouldn't be something that takes the joy from your spirit.