24 June 2006

Black Men / White Women...

I've always been a people watcher. I don't know when it started or why, but I have always noticed people and their trends and behavior.

In the last few years I have noticed something about a lot of my black brothers, a sad and bothersome trend. I've noticed that many brothers seem to put a higher premium on white women than they do black women. Okay - sure, that might not be anything new, especially to folks that live in major metropolitain areas. But after walking down the isle in the grocery store tonight, behind a 20 something year old black guy with this homely white girl and a surprisingly cute baby daughter, I found myself thinking about the numerous times that I have seen this combination.

You have this young thugged out black kid, trying his damnedest to look hardcore while he's holding hands with some girl that looks like Rosanne Barr.

And, then I think about the countless young black girls with their 2 and 3 little black babies with no dad and no father figure anywhere to be seen. I simply think these young black males are more proud of their white women and the little babies they have with them. I find it too frequent to be a coincidence. Many of the young black males in the Maryland and DC area [and probably other places too] are simply awestruck at the idea of having a white woman. And not even talking about a pretty white woman, many of these women are just plain old, homely, and dumpy. I think I'd personally except it a little better if some of these women were attractive, at least then it would seem like - "hey, she's sexy, so you can see why I want to be with her..." but that is hardly ever the case in my personal observations!!! Now don't get your panties in a bunch - I'm not saying all white women are unattractive, that would be insane to say. But I feel that many young black guys aren't even trying to be selective. Whatever gives them the time of day is where they'll lay their head that night.

I firmly believe that many of these guys would probably love to screw a black woman, possible pregnancy-be-damned, if she gets knocked up and the time to be a man and a father comes, these same guys will run and hide from the black women and snuggle deep into the open arms of the white women. I'm being dead honest here. And, considering the current pathetic state of the Black Nuclear Family today (see my blog entries two months ago) I'm certain some of these guys are leaving the white girls too, but I have clearly noticed more young black males, aged 16 to 25, being loving and attentive to their bi-racial kids than to the kids that look to have black mothers.

I'm really disheartened to see that black men seem to be discounting the value of the women of their races - please keep in mind that I'm not saying all black men do this, probably not even a majority of black men - but the number is pretty high - in my opinion.

I often think that it is natural desire in people to produce offspring that look the same way you do. No - before anyone reading this challenges my scientific proof of this, calm down - I have no proof, it just SEEMS like the natural thing. I think that is subconsciously why people of similar ethnic groups choose to marry and have children together. My parents were both black and I look like both of them for the most part. My wife is black and my kids look like us. My friends have kids that look like them... but I find that bi-racial kids usually don't look like the parents. I think the natural physical traits of different races are so different that they tend to create a third physical characteristic. But my point in all this anthropologic rambling is this - I sometimes wonder if - deep down - black men that "agressively" seek white women to have babies with, aren't in fact in a phase of self loathing. They see something within themselves that they want to change or get rid of... they want their progeny to look different from them, they want their kids to not have their black skin, they want their babies to have different hair, they want their kids to have thinner lips and noses, they want to stare into blue eyes instead of brown... they want all these things and more that white women and white genetics can give them.

Now, after all this racial posturing, I want to make something clear. I AM NOT against interracial dating per se, because sometimes you just can't help who you vibe with, or who's smile you're drawn to. You sometimes can't and shouldn't fight against who you fall in love with. I'd rather see a black person with a white person that is going to love and treasure them anyday before seeing two people of the same race who disrepect each other and basically treat each other like shit. But I get the sincere impression that a lot of these confused black males just see "white", nothing but WHITE and figure that THAT must make it RIGHT!!!! They go to their boyz and boast about how they won't tolerate a black woman's 'attitude' - they just lump ALL black women into this one negative and unappealing group. This is what I cannot accept.

This whole phenomenon of de-valuing black women and putting a premium on white women is very disappointing to me. But, if you think I'm crazy, take a look around at the young black men and the women you see many of them with. Just look around, and if I'm wrong - then fine. But if I'm right, just remember where you heard it!!!

TTBM

13 comments:

MsDee said...

I hear you. Blacke men are not alone in this. Latin men AND women do the same thing. Sometimes they date, even marry "white" just becasue they are white as if that is status symbol. My mom is a white puerto rican and ny dad was an black afro-rican and among their own race the fact that he marries a "blancita" (white girl) was a big thing

Anonymous said...

I am a white woman who has always been attracted to black men. I love the color of their skin and the smooth texture. I love the smooth way they speak and their intelligence. I dont care about the size of the guys penis, and many black dudes are average sized anyway. I love the thickness of their lips, but most of all I love, love, love their butterball behinds. I am not trailer trash, nor do I try to act black and speak in slang. I have a college degree and I have been told I am very beautiful. My point is this, not all white girls who date black guys are fat and ugly. Simply put I think black men are superior over all other races and that is my belief. Sometimes attraction has to do with simple sexual chemsitry, not a status thing. I dont date a black man because of what others think, I date my man because he is incredible, intelligent, sexy and very loving. I could give a rats behind what others think because at the end of the day I have him and that is all that matters to me.

BRICK BY BRICK said...

Read your page today... found it very interesting and almost offensive. I am a thirty something, attractive, intelligent white woman who is the mother of bi-racial child. I have known my son's father for 28 years. I was raised with a solid foundation, grew up in church, had a stable home life, and a self esteem. I was reared not to see the color boundaries that often block our abitilies to "see" people for who they are...unfortunately I failed to see what this man, or black man was all about. We split up when my son was four years old (he is now eleven) and we rarely hear from him-if ever. Was it the color of my skin that made him leave or the lack there of? If I agree with your logic then he would still be here caring for his token bi-racial child and his white girl. Maybe the answer to your obviously one-sided thought process is in the father's and mother's of these black men and women. My ex's father supported his family finacially but was never involved in the rearing of his children. Maybe the reason that these black men, that you speak of, run away has nothing to do with the color of the woman's skin but has to do with the very essence of who he is. And any man who can't take care of his child is a worthless piece crap... red, yellow, black or white. One more thing... since I do live in the Baltimore/Washington area, not many of the young black girls are easy to date. One word- ATTITUDE! So before you feel sorry for all of these young black women remember that there are some white women who have been placed in the same situation- but instead of people like you feeling sorry for your black women, our white men look at us with disgust...which is worse?

Coco Stasia said...

As a black woman, I can totally relate to the point you are trying to make. I have noticed over the years an increasing number of black men who have a blatant disregard for black women and choose to be with white women. I don't know what there motivations are but I have had conversations with black men that have told me point blank that they do not and will not date black women. It's discouraging to hear that and very odd because I'm sure you would be hard pressed to find men of another race say something like that about their women. My friends and I have had many discussions about this, and some of them feel like our only option is to open ourselves up to the possibility of dating outside of our race as well. How is that for a contradiction?

Anonymous said...

The idea of "races" makes inter-"racial" dating impossible because there is no biological evidence for the existence of "races" and thus there is no such biological thing as a "mixed" person b/c biologically nothing can be mixed
but we do live in a racist society where the idea of "race" is counted as important by institutions and laws and a significant cross-section of the population.

relationships b/w African-American and European-Americans are institutionally difficult--stares, looks, insults, threats of violence, etc.

Most inter-"racial" relationships are b/w European-American men and Asian-American women (but not the opposite).

because of racism, people are losing out on meaningful human relationships...

Ruminations of a Racial Realist said...

...I find that bi-racial kids usually don't look like the parents. I think the natural physical traits of different races are so different that they tend to create a third physical characteristic.

I don't think it's that they don't look like them, it's just that we place so much importance on skin tone and hair texture that we overlook other similarities...I'm black, my mother is white, I think our faces are quite similar but because of the racial thing, most people don't see this.

But my point in all this anthropologic rambling is this - I sometimes wonder if - deep down - black men that "agressively" seek white women to have babies with, aren't in fact in a phase of self loathing. They see something within themselves that they want to change or get rid of...

I agree - I think that black men that agressively seek white woman are as you put it in a stage of self loathing...the thing these guys need to remember is that regardless of how "white" their child looks, they themselves will always be black - in fact if they are trying to escape being black through having white-looking children, I would have thought that it would actually make them feel blacker! lol. It's depressing - one of the things I admired about African Americans was that from my perspective they seemed to be happy to marry each other/ date each other, certainly compared to the UK where I was brought up - but it seems to be changing...oh well, hopefully there will always be some black men that love black women and vice versa.

The Thinking Black Man said...

Thank you all Ladies for your comments! I appreciate you all taking the time to visit The Thinking Black Man, and I'm humbled by, and appreciative of, the thoughts you've shared. From now on, I will be personally responding to each individual comment left on my blog. Your comments are important to me and I want to make sure I'm respectful to my fellow bloggers!

Thanks again!

The Thinking Black Man said...

Thank you all Ladies for your comments! I appreciate you all taking the time to visit The Thinking Black Man, and I'm humbled by, and appreciative of, the thoughts you've shared. From now on, I will be personally responding to each individual comment left on my blog. Your comments are important to me and I want to make sure I'm respectful to my fellow bloggers!

Thanks again!

The Assimilated Negro said...

mmmm snowflakes. the black man/white woman "story" continues to be an intriguing one ...

first time visiting. glad someone's thinking around here ...

The Thinking Black Man said...

Thanks for stopping by! I'm going to check out your blogs ASAP!

Yeah- the story goes on and on!

Sam said...

WHen I first moved out to Las Vegas from New Orleans I noticed the same thing about alot of black guys here. Young and Old. Thugged out young dudes and old school fly guys following the same path. I truly believe they don't like themselves as being black and think that there biracial babies will be superior to black kids in future life. But you got to blame blacks for that. Reason. Black people always talkin that pretty hair and skin zhit. Black people find a way to seperate ourselves from each other. Money, appearance, education, dialect, or just by the choices we make in life.

I am not Star Jones said...

the comment about black women having attitude. Isn't that based on a limited perception? I mean is it attitude when you ask to be treated courtesy and kindness? So many people complain about black women's attitude without really thinking about the possible reasons where there may be attitude.

IMHO, society only recognizes the following black women: Venus, Serena, Halle, Tyra, Oprah, Condi, Beyonce, Naomi

After that, other black women don't exist and deserve to be spat upon every chance possible.

So when people hear what they perceive to be attitude -- they are forgetting what life is like for black women on a daily basis.

--Again, if a black man takes some sick pride in
being iresponsible, unloving, mean-spirited or duplicitous then
they should date white women (homely or not) and leave black women alone. Black women need to steer clear of dead weight to make room for passion, curiosity and love from someone who does appreciate them.

Anonymous said...

"I think that black men that agressively seek white woman are as you put it in a stage of self loathing"

I am Asian and grew up in South America. I have no idea whether the above poster quote reflects reality (and goes without saying that it's presumptious and just a bad idea to fill the thought bubbles over other people's heads--we have enough communication misunderstandings in society as it is, why deliberately provoke more by being so judgemental? Why not give the benefit of the doubt, be more generous and be more open minded?). However, I can say that I don't particularly look for Asians to date--and never have--because I didn't grow up around Asians. I don't have a never-date-Asian policy, though in many cases I feel it's easier to to be with someone who doesn't have some of the same hang ups that I might. I just date whoever seems interesting to me. Over the years, I have dated about a dozen people from 6 geographical regions--North and S America, Europe, Africa, Asian and the Middle East.