With regards to my previous post about the DC curfew, someone commented:
"What about treating our young people like they're criminals? Kids are rounded up and taken to "processing centers." To me, these centers look like a way to enter young people into the industrial prison complex at an earlier age. What lesson does exposing our children to the police (who can't seem to prevent the murders) and the jail system send them? If the police were on the street to talk to kids, to engage them and understand their needs, that would be OK. We need to take our resources and give our young folks avenues of expression and education?"
I wanted to REALLY reply to this, so I decided to make it a post:
I'm a little on both sides of the fence and I hope I can explain myself clearly.
I don't think rounding up kids en masse and sending them to a jail-like facility is a good idea. Law Enforcement may be trying a bit of "scared straight" with the kids, but I'm personally not 'feeling' that approach. However, curfew violators need to be taken off the streets! SOLUTION - Parents need to respect the law, and if your kids are 16 years old or under, get them off the streets. Simple as that!!! Now, if you're one of these wimpy parents that like to piss and moan about your kids not wanting to listen to you, BE A PARENT, STOP TRYING TO BE A DAMN FRIEND TO YOUR KID! Punish them, take those video games, DVD players, MP3's, CD players, designer clothes, Internet, Cable TV, cellphones and expensive tennis shoes AWAY from them until they start listening to you!!! Nothing gets a kids attention like taking their shit away! If that doesn't work, these parents need to whup some asses! [ Tender hearts - PLEASE Save the moral high ground for somebody that wants to hear it! ], a good old fashioned ass whuppin' will get a lot of kids in line quickly! [ Anybody reading this above the age of 30 will probably agree with me! ] The bottom, bottom, bottom, line is this: Parents making their kids come in by 10:00PM will eliminate the problem of police roundups! PERIOD.
I tell my kid all the time, "I give you rules in the house so you will learn to follow them. When you don't follow my rules, there are various punishments. I want you to learn how to follow rules in the house, so that when you get bigger, and go outside into the world, you can follow the rules of the OUTSIDE world. Because, when you break the OUTSIDE rules, the punishment gets much much worse!" Parents need to prepare their kids.
Now, for the police-
I'm all for police being kinder and gentler and talking to kids and all, that's fine. I think there is always room for improved understanding and compassion between police and citizens and citizens and police - but lets be real here - COPS are NOT these kids PARENTS, it is not the responsibility of cops to hug and coddle and be warm and fuzzy with our kids! THAT is our job as our childrens parents! Don't get me wrong, I know cops aren't perfect, I'm not trying to say they are, they are people just like you and me - only, they carry guns and risk their lives every single day!
We as a community have to find a way to create better parenting situations among our young people. We need to stop these babies from having babies! For example, An 18 year old girl with three kids is in no way prepared or qualified to raise these future teenagers, anyone who thinks so, lives in Fantasytown DC. When this girl had her first kid, someone needed to take control of her life, but they didn't. It is this type of look-the-other-way attitude that creates so many unqualified parents in our community! We can't blame the cops when Sharondasia is 26 years old and the single parent of a 14 year old and an 11 year old that she can't [or won't] control in the streets of DC at 11:15PM.
And as far as cops not being able to stop these murders, Jesus Christ, just - where do you see "Protect,Serve and part the Red Sea" on your police officers badges? I'm the first person to tell you, cops aren't perfect [like I said above], but these people, like the guy that asked me the question above that think cops can stop murders. Sadly, you all need to get real. I mean really - that kind of statement is almost comical.
Look at the dynamic of a homicide:
16 y/o Johnny "J-Rock" Doe, drives his mothers car to Prince Georges county. He buys a 9mm Glock for $90 in the parking lot at Prince Georges Plaza and sticks the gun in his waistband. He then drives 14 miles to Benning road and walks up to a kid he doesn't like from school and he puts 3 bullets in this kid's head. Where exactly, do the Psychic Cops come into play? I mean - that is REALLY the only way they can stop a murder right?
Let's try it this way now... Johnny "J-Rock" Doe's, mother teaches him that when you don't like somebody, you either avoid them or you talk to them and try to find a happy median, but no matter what you do, you don't ever hurt anyone... TAA DAA! J-Rock's mama just stopped a murder! Imagine that!
Or, here's one more [since I'm feeling REALLY cynical tonight]
Bobby "Boo Boo" Jenkins, is carrying a five inch knife in his suede Timberland boot. He's 15 and he's hanging out in Barry Farms in Southeast DC. He gets into an argument with another 15 year old over the Washington Wizards. The other kid says, "Boo Boo, you're full of shit. The Knicks can't beat the Wizards." Bobby gets angry and stabs the other kid eleven times and kills him. Has anyone seen the magic, psychic cops anywhere? No.
Now, had Bobby's dad stressed non-violet conflict resolution to his little boy, in the years before this fatefull night, Bobby would have waved off this other kid when he said he was full of shit, and therefore - Bobby's DAD would have stopped a murder.
The reason a homicide is virtually impossible for police to prevent, is because by the very nature of the crime it is a secret. Few if any people walk down the street proclaiming, "I'm going to kill someone today!" On top of that, we have laws against illegal search and seizure, so police can't just walk up to shady looking characters and pat them down to look for a gun or a knife. So, until people become more intelligent, more compassionate, and more willing to settle disputes non-violently we are going to have homicides in our streets.
I simply hate when folks take the responsibilty of parenting off of the parents. And, I doubly hate it when these people expect cops and teachers to raise these kids, and when the kids fall short - they point the blame at law enforcement and the school systems! Yeah - I know... I'm a Black Man - I'm supposed to dislike cops and use my blog to talk about how racist and wrong police are... well, I'm sorry folks. I'm just NOT going to do that! I know that there are some cops that are racist, and some that don't like Black folks, and some that are corrupt and some that are violent - but I don't believe they are in the majority, so I'm not going to condemn the entire establishment - not at all. And, I'm going to close by saying this - for all those folks that want to blame the police for the problems our young people have, consider this - at 2:30 in the morning when we're warm in our beds and we hear someone walking around our home and we know it's not someone that lives with us, 99% of us are going to quietly pick up the phone and dial 911 and say, "Please send the police, right away!" and you know what, we're going to be damn happy when the cops get there! And, we're not going to be blaming them for our kids problems as they arrest a crackhead trying to climb out our window with our DVD player and X-Box!!!
TTBM
27 comments:
Now that's what I'm talking about!!
TBM you deserve an award for the straight up, common sense of this post. You don't even need to be over 30 to recognize that IF parents were doing their jobs, a whole lot of senseless crimes wouldn't even happen. Yup, as a parent you've got to whup some butt sometimes, especially with some kids. When my children were younger, I totally IGNORED folks who would say namby-pamby stuff like you're teaching your kids how to be violent when you spank them.
Since my kids knew that mommy AND daddy meant what we said, and said what we meant, we only had to spank them maybe once or twice in their entire childhoods--just to get their attention LOL! because children will test a parent sometimes to see whether you're serious. We were also CONSISTENT and LOVING and SUPPORTIVE parents who bent over backwards to meet all of our childrens needs--and just a reasonable amount of their wants.
It really turns my stomach that so many black children get chopped up by the system when the parents are to blame. I recognize that many of the 'babies having babies' are not equipped to be parents.
An as an aside, this ties in with the trend that most of the babies born to black mothers are born to black women at the lower end of the socioeconomic ladder. Unfortunately, many black women who are higher up on the socioeconomic ladder are having no children or barely any since they're still waiting for a committed relationship with "Mr. Right", whereas the young girls like Sharondaisia just spit babies out and often these poor children end up in the criminal justice system.
This has been going for almost a half century now and STILL so many black people are deadset on blaming the police and the teachers. (SMH)
Thank you Evia-
When I typed this entry, I found myself wondering if I was writing as "The Thinking Black Man" or "The ANGRY Black Man." - I think I was a little of both.
I'm glad yours is the first comment and it's so positive - I was expecting some real drama this morning from the folks that are scared to look in the mirror.
-I completely agree with everything you say, and as a parent YOU KNOW I feel you on the 'getting your kids attention' aspect!
Thank you so much for the comment! I'm curious to see how other people are going to feel about our thoughts! We'll see!
Peace, my Sista'
My brother we must have beem on the same page when you wrote yours. I too blogged the same feeling. We as parents do need to go Old school (those of us who are qualified to) and show our children who are really in charge.
But it doesn't stop there. Our village needs to become a village again and not be afraid to raise our child. And that is another big issue. The people of our village have turned their backs and dropped their heads instead of speaking up and correcting the children like they did when I was coming up. Hell thinking about it makes my ass hurt.
If the parent feels they need to correct someone for correcting their child (who may actually be doing wrong) then the problem is the parent and maybe they need a good old fashion ass whoopin' too.
Like you said the bottom line is we (now this is that part where someone who does not fit the description is going to take this the WRONG way and PERSONAL) have given up being parents and left these helpless children to fend for themselves.
How can you tell a child they can become something good and positive in this world without leading them? They need to be hugged more, told they are loved, and given the same quality time as those other things we adults feel rank higher than they do.
Stop pointing the finger and let's get back to the village raising the children and see what haapens.
Sean-
You've got me laughing here! I'm thinking about how we couldn't get away with nothing when we were kids, because our neighborhoods were villages. Everybody knew who your mama or your daddy was. No matter what you did, somebody was looking out a window or somebody was driving by, and damn if it didn't get back to your parents! And THAT was provided the neighbor didn't get ahold of your first! Man, I had no idea then just how important that type of neighborhood was!
Thanks for the coment, man!!!
Children.
Parents.
Police.
Children (I don't recognize the word "kid"; a kid is a baby goat, so if I say kid it means I am pissed off, as a kid/goat is a baby animal). I know, I'm being nit-picky. I just call them children, so bear with me. Thanks. Child/children:
Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary: 2. a. a young person esp. between infancy and youth.
Parents. You know, those things that are supposed to be the "adults" in these situations:
Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary: 1. b. a person who brings up and cares for another.
Police. People who have guns and badges and a licence to kill, not babysit:
Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary: 2. b. the department of government charged with prevention, detection and prosecution of public nuisances and crimes.
Children are running the streets. Children are not at home where they should be doing the following: homework; (TV off, no video games) reading and expanding their minds. When homework is done, the children will be doing their chores: washing dishes; ironing their clothes for school; sweeping the floors after dinner; vacuuming; dusting everything and anything; washing the windows; washing the venetian blinds; washing the walls; cleaning cobwebs off the ceiling; cleaning dustbunnies out of the corners and out from beneath the beds; sweeping the front porch; sweeping the back porch; mowing the lawn; weeding the shrub areas (oh, wait, the sun has gone down; we'll save the yardwork for Saturday. Don't want to use up everything, need to leave something fun and enjoyable to look forward to.)
Anyway, back to chores.
Cleaning the mirrors in the bathroom; cleaning the bathtub; cleaning the toilet (and that means getting on the floor and cleaning inside, outside and all around the toilet; cleaning out mildew that has accumulated in the grout joints of the shower tile; cleaning the shower curtains; straightening up the bathroom closet; fixing that leaky faucet (after Mommy and Daddy have taught Junior and Missy how to use plumber's tools).
Okay. Now we can sit down for dinner.
No talking about the latest gang-raper! Oops! What are they called now-a-days, gangbangers, gangrappers. Whatever. No talking about inconsequential fluff of the day; talking about education, education, education. Talking about current world events.
Talking about black history; those who forget the past are most surely bound to repeat it, and boy-o-boy, we are repeating it as we live each day. And black America is regressing, not progressing. No sitting down at the table without learning about our history because those crappy books they have in school sure as hell won't tell us about our history; we have to have the guts and the backbone to learn it ourselves and especially teach it to our black children.
Mom has cooked a lovely dinner, from scratch, not from boxes and cans. Mom cooked food this past weekend so that she could take it from the freezer to the oven to the table. Mom is proud of her culinary skills, because tonight Mom has prepared a veritable feast: Ligurian Chicken Breasts, Pan-Roasted Fennel and White Bean and Kale Gratin with English Farmhouse Cheddar. (Hmmmm)
For liquid refreshment we will be having Lemon-Anise Iced Tea.
For dessert: Chocolate Peanut Root Beer Rumble Cake with homemade French Vanilla Ice Cream ( or if she was too tired to make ice cream, she bought Blue Bell French Vanilla Ice Cream).
Dad.
Dad prides himself on getting up and going to work. He knows a man's responsibility is to take care of his family.
No complaining and back-sliding from dad. No. He's a real man, because a real man waits until he is financially able to support a family.
Dad is so glad he kept his pants up and zipped. Dad is glad he did not say to his wife: "If you loved me you would prove it to me." Dad does not hate women that much to have ever said such a hated thing to a woman in all his born days. Dad knows that a man must earn a woman's love and trust.
Dad is glad.
Mom is glad too. She is glad that she kept her panties up and her skirt down (or pants zipped up, whatever, as long as the clothes stayed on that's the important thing.) Mom is glad that like dad she stayed in school, got her diploma, went to college and made something of herself. Mom is glad that she and dad are not tick-sucking drains on society. Mom is glad that she cares about her children's (not kids; so far, so good) welfare and safety. Mom knows that mom and dad are the ones who are responsible for the up-bringing of their children. Not those pesky old fuddy-duddy police officers, who only know how to handle a gun, a badge, a resisting arrest criminal, a fleeing the scene of an accident criminal, and "Freeze! Police! Put your hands in the air! I said put your hands in the air!"
No.
Mom and dad know it is their responsibilty to raise the children that they brought into this world. Not anyone else but them.
Mom and dad are glad.
By the way, the police are glad, too.
Instead of being babysitters for would-be lazy, trifling so-called parent's children, the police can concentrate on doing what the police are good at: apprehending alledged perps who cover their faces with their jackets when the police are bringing them in for booking for crimes the perps have been arrested for.
Yes. Police are glad. They are glad they have the time to do their job and not run the streets collecting mom and dad's children.
They can do what police officers enjoy doing: arresting rapists, arsonists, murderers, kidnapers, embezzelers, bad-check writers, Enron/Ken Lay criminals (who conveniently die right after the trial to escape justice), pimps, johns who frequent prostitutes, doctors guilty of malpractice that results in a patient's death.
To name just a few of the things that police officers would rather be doing instead of being pissed off because mom and dad once again passed on the responsibilty of leaving their children's upkeep and well-being to the rest of society.
Oh, back to mom and dad.
Mom and dad have stayed the course, having raised their children to go on to college and get a good education. The children took college courses that included 500 hour semesters, working as volunteers in neighborhood community centers, volunteering in nursing homes, while working two jobs just so they did not even think about leeching money off mom and dad to pay their college tuition because you have to learn to make your own way in this world and no one owes you anything but RESPECT.
After the end of graduation ceremonies, both children fall into mom and dad's arms, because the children are exhausted from all those years of hardwork, chores, and education, education and education. And mom and dad are exhausted too because they stayed on those children's asses 24/7 and would not let up, because they owed it to their children to do right by them since they brought them into the world.
And they owed it to society to raise fine upstanding citizens any parent or country would be proud of.
Oh, and before I forget:
The children both always remembered to take the trash out for pickup.
THE END
Thank you for that thoughtful rebuttal. I want to make sure I first say my post came from experience, not a bleeding heart. I was a “juvenile delinquent” treated in a degrading manner by the police. Secondly, I was a victim of a violent crime. And, just this weekend someone was robbed right outside my DC home. (See: http://www.ownthepress.com.) I am feeling this crime wave. I have thought this through on many levels.
Am I naive when I want the police to prevent murders? Our electeds are not leading. Why not have a DC campaign to get guns off the streets? Let’s investigate the criminals that are selling the guns. This curfew is the most simplistic solution to the problem of violence. Gun violence is a complex problem that will take all of us to solve. We need to teach our young people that sometimes solutions are hard to come by, teach how to work hard for the answer. And, per the posts above, why not invest time in parenting classes or leadership classes or community building? I see the role of police as crime prevention and solution, not just jailers.
You are right when you write that we need to be attentive parents and better community members. When I was a teenager and got into trouble, thank goodness my folks woke up, taught me responsibility, and got me back on the path. Now, I work in my community, trying to help where I can and be a good role model. I fight for good jobs with good wages, so that people can have access to the economic stability.
Of course kids don’t need to be out all hours. The point is: what are we really doing to help them grow into responsible, engaged adults? How are we showing peace in the back of a police car? Exposing kids to jail and treating them like criminals teaches fear and distrust, when what we want to show them wisdom and compassion.
Well I'm under thirty and I got spanked here and there, so I advocate a good ass whuppin' some of the time.
But if u really believe that blatant racism doesn't exist in the education system and criminal justice system than all ya'll are smoking something.
U seem to think low income parents aren't taking care of their kids but u seem to forget that MANY low income folk are working two and three jobs to make ends meet. If you work the night shift...and Johnny decides to have his ass out when he's supposed to be in bed than who's fault is that?
If you drop your kids off to school and your daughter's grown ass decides to skip school AND the school doesn't call and tell you that, what are u supposed to do?
I'm not abdicating parental responsibility. Not in the least but this idea that schools and cops don't play a role then once again I say, u're smoking something.
U been in an inner city school lately? They're not teaching the kids shit. Many of them are little better than holding pens. People (teachers, admin. etc.) treat these kids like they're not shit and they ain't gonna be shit. Kids aren't stupid. People rise to the expectations u set for them. U treat them like animals the behave like animals.
It's more than just parents need to step up, it's a COMMUNITY problem and has to be addressed as such. To discount how much racism plays in all of this is a fools errand.
JJ-
First up - I don't smoke anything.
Second - I only mentioned the word "school" once. I'm not some stupid, naive, jackass that has a wireless laptop and a lot of fuckin' free time. I know schools - especially inner city public shools are grossly understaffed, by over worked over paid people - SOME of which have given up on our kids. I know this is the case - but the crux of THIS blog entry is PARENT YOUR DAMN KIDS!!!
As far as Johnny creeping out the house at night - I'm sorry you have to work three shifts - I'm DAMN sorry about that, but plans need to be made or you gotta get Johnny's ass straight! Now, I know nothing is perfect and no situation is either but to the best extent possible, kids have to be supervised. The parents I'm MAINLY speaking about are the ones who are AT home at 10:00PM and they are too damn busy watching CSI Miami to give a damn about their kids, 3 blocks away on P Street NW!!!
No kids and no situation are perfect and I'm not claiming that I have an across-the-board grasp of everything that goes on - I'm speaking in generalities and using simple common sense.
And no, - I am not discounting RACISM, (How fucking stupid do you think I am? This blog is called the Thinking Black Man, NOT the Stupid Naive Sellout!) I am simply NOT allowing folks to get away with stupid, triflin', neglegent shit all because The White Man don't like us Black Folks. Sure, there's racism still in America, but not nearly as harsh as the shit our Grandparents had to deal with - so let's not start making a bunch of fuckin' excuses - lets raise our damn kids!!! End / Out!
Thanks OWNTHEPRESS for your comment!
I was a little afraid that I had jumped too high on my soapbox and came across like an arrogant short cited prick with my reply. I started this blog to create back and forth idea exchange and I'm REALLY glad you left another comment!
Yeah - I'm big for getting guns off the streets too! I think a lot of people may turn the other cheek when they suspect a gun in a pocket a bag or a house, I think that type of cooperation would be priceless in the quest for reduced guns on the street - along with police interaction in the community!
I was a little underwhelmed by the whole STATE OF CRIME EMERGENCY declared in DC... sure, having more cops on the street is okay, but we're still working them to death!!! Nobody can keep up 6 day work weeks and high efficiency for long at that pace. Crime fighting has to be like a successful battle plan - it has to be wide in scope, you need troops on the groud (cops and community leaders/workers), you need to control the skies (radio and TV), you need good intelligence (people cooperating with the police, schools, civic groups) and you need to have an exit strategy (how to maintain success after the battle) [I think that makes sense... the History channel is on across the room so I may be getting off my point.
I agree with what you've said, and thanks again for the comment you've shared!
ANN-
Thanks for the comment!
Wow, my Sister! Not much leave me speechless - but I like what you've laid out. Can you imagine how different the world would be if it all flowed like that?
Can you imagine?
Hey TBM--gosh, what can I say? LOL! People are just on different planes these days.
Judging from what some have said here, I live in a different world from them apparently because in the world that I live in, I definitely do not want the police supervising my children or playing basketball and other games with them (like in PAL) or developing a relationship with them. Puhleez! I don't want my children to have any contact or involvement with the police whatsoever. The police have a job to do which has nothing to do with my children.
I also don't want the school's help in raising my children. I want the school to mainly impart academics and related experiences and very little else. I don't want teachers being social workers or policemen, or counselors, or disciplinarians, or wrestlers or security guards, or babysitters, and definitely not parents to my children. My children have parents. I just want the teachers to teach and I don't even want my children to go to a school where the teacher has to wear so many hats until they don't have time or are too tired to teach.
Children must be taught to do what their parents and other authority figures tell them to do when they are very young--starting at age 1 or so. This is when parents MUST make sure that their children understand they must do as they're told.
If a loving and consistent parent is truly in charge of their household and they tell their children not to leave the house, the children don't leave. They don't leave because they learned long ago when they were one or two to do what their parent(s) have told them to do. This must be CONSISTENTLY drilled in and CONSISTENTLY reinforced and CONSISTENTLY monitored and reinforced some more and drilled some more and reinforced some more CONSISTENTLY--UNTIL the child learns to follow the parent's rules. I've observed that many parents are not consistent with their children because being consistent takes time and energy that some parents would rather use elsewhere.
Long before you tell a child not to leave the house, a parent must make sure that the child follows other less important rules like "don't turn on the TV until you've done your chores." If the child disobeys a less important rule, s/he will disobey an important one because children don't tend to know the difference.
There must always and consistently be an unpleasant consequence (not necessarily a whipping) when a child disobeys. I've observed that some parent may scold a child, but this may not be unpleasant to the child. Some children like being scolded just like some children like being sent to the principal's office.
Anyway, this thing has gotten so much out of control until I'm not sure what can be done now. The children are not the main problem--the parents are.
EVIA - I ALWAYS luv your comments! I know healthy disagreements can be fruitful here in the blogosphere, but I think I always agree 100% with you!
I hear a lot of people always using that saying, "It takes a village to raise a child..." I think that saying has its place and its significance, but far too many people use it as an excuse to be lax parents! I think they choose to be slack in their responsibility with the assumption or hope that the other adults (the rest of the village)in their childs life will make up the difference. I am a firm believer in just stepping up and being a parent.
I too don't want or need cops, teachers, bus drivers, crossing guards, corner store clerks, or sanitation workers nurturing, coddling, advising or monitoring my children. For God's sake - THAT is my job!!! It started way back when my kids were a mere rise in my wife's belly. I would lay next to her stomach and read bedtime stories and she'd play Stevie Wonder songs for them on these small speakers she had. Our parenting started [probably just like yours] at day one! It is OUR responsibility and WE do it - period.
To these folks having all these babies that they are not ready, or qualified or intelligent enough to nuture until they are at least 18 years of age, I say: close your legs, strap up with the condom, take The Pill, get your Depo Prevera, pull out way early, walk out, get some lotion, do whatever you have to do to stop creating lives that OTHERS have to raise!!! Stop creating children that will automatically grow up disadvantaged because Papa was a rollin' stone or Mama had 4 kids by her 22nd birthday.
Okay - I'm ranting again... thanks, Evia-
Wow, a high level of hostility...
Don't recall cursing at u...
And if you don't like, "you're smoking something" does "you've gone and bumped your head" work better?
:-)
The cold hard facts are it does not Take a "Village to Raise your Kids" as so many people seem to say. All it takes is responsible parenting. Another cold hard fact is that many parents should not be parents and would have been better off sterilized and adopting puppies...or in some cases they are not responsible enough to care for and love a puppy so adopting a snake may be a better choice.
Folks if you are going to have children raise them because they are your responsibility, not the schools, not the cops and not your neighbors. Those who refuse to be responsible for these mass produced little monsters need to be held accountable with jail time in the same cell with the little monsters. What laws should we use to get these people off the streets?? There must be a million of them... how about trying out some of our new fangled terrorist laws because many of them are a perfect match for home grown, born and bred violent distructive menacing terrorists.
So JJ-
You can be bothered that I used profanity in my response to you -
But, I can't be bothered that you casually implied drug use on my part?
Hmmm- I cursed at you because I have never in my life so much as THOUGHT about using drugs, and even an implication in EVEN a midly joking tone truly pisses me off.
But's it cool - I'm not going to spend too much time batting the quasi-intellectual tennis ball back and forth with you.
Just for the record, you did use the word SHIT in your comment to me, thus the doors were open to the four letter banter.
Regardless, I started this blog to exchange ideas, not neccessarily make friends - thanks for sharing your original thoughts, I do appreciate you adding to the quality of my blog!
Peace, man-
Hello BLACK 1st ME SECOND-
Thanks for your comment!
I agree that with kids having kids the problem is not always with them per se, I think with ANY problem you have to ask WHY about 5 times to really get to the heart of the problem. I think many of these kids that are sexually active have no knowledgeable adult advising them on the risks. There are so many parents of young boys and girls who spend so much time denying that their kids may be sexually active that they never talk about birth control, condoms, STD's, etc. This denial is ruining so many kids! What kind of a chance do 95% of teenage mothers have when they have to drop out of high school to raise one [or more kids]? They will start their formative years [teens and twenties] worrying about diapers and formula! So, yeah - I agree, much of the problem is not solely to blame on the kids!
I certainly respect your disagreement of my point that some people are "qualitifed" to be parents. But I want to elaborate on my point - QUALIFICATION TO BE A PARENT does NOT always relate to age (>30 or <30). It has EVERYTHING to do with who you are as a person. Are you smart enough to protect, advise, nurture and guide another human being from birth into their late teens and beyond. I agree that there are plenty of 30+ year olds that I won't trust to close a catsup bottle, much less raise a child. Then again, I can accept that maybe some teenagers have a special wisdom beyond their years and can do a fine job of raising a child - perosnally, I've seen it done. But I will say that, in the vast majority of instances teenagers have just not had enough life experience to make well rounded (well qualified) parents. Sure, they may be able to feed, clothe, bath, watch after babies and that will allow a child to grow, but really - what does a 16 year old know about life? They have so much TRUE living to do in order to be able to share TRUW wisdom with their kids.
But, thank you for your insightful opinions - I really appreciate you making my blog THAT much better!!!
First of all cursing and cursing at someone are not the same thing...
Two the term "you must be smoking something" does not imply that u use drugs, or have ever thought about using drugs, it's the same as saying, "you've bumped your head," "you've got to be kidding me," "you can't be serious" etc.
I don't know how old you are but surely you must recognize that that was in no way suggesting past future or current drug use.
Now since you seem to prefer a more formal tone, I will use one. No slang/colloquial comments for me.
In response to Black1 yes people are more selfish. This is a very "ME" oriented society but the other thing his child rearing has gotten more child centric. Meaning that everything is supposed to revolve around the child, his/her needs wants and desires. So instead of raising, well adjusted, well socialized, independent, respectful kids we're getting selfish, anti-social, disrespectful, spoiled brats.
Once upon a time if a teacher (or simply another adult) were to say to aparent, "you know Johnny did such and such..." the parent would discipline the child accordingly and thank said teacher/adult for letting them know about their child's behaviour.
Nowadays said parent might curse that same teacher/adult out or simply refuse to beleive that Johnny could EVER do such a thing. "B/C Johnny is SUCH a good kid and he NEVER behaves that way with ME"
Different attitude, different take on childrearing, etc.
Hello Black 1st Me Second-
I think a lot of the "be cool" things that young people do today are driven by the technology driven society that we live in.
Until roughly 22 years ago all we had were 4 or 5 TV channels, music on tape, movies just coming to Beta and VHS and rotary phones. Our exposure to a wide variety of diverse social images was fairly limited. Today, kids have music videos on their satelite connected opocket phones; TV has well over 150 chanels, movies of all ratings can be carried in your hip pocket. Images of ALL types of social behavior are beamed at our kids 24/7!!! And really - how much control do we have? I think a math teacher would answer that as "<0."
It's really rough out there for teens and pre-teens. They need good parents NOW more than ever.
JJ
As far as the cursing thing goes - look man, here's my WHITE flag! Whether you cursed or didn't curse at me, whether you did or didn't imply "Smokin something" implied weed use, PCP use, Meth use, or whatever use - I was in a bad mood when I read your first entry and I responded accordingly. No, I didn't like the possible implication that I took to mean "Hey man, you must be high..." so I responded accordingly. I really got pissed at WHAT I PERCEIVED as a casually assumed 'drug reference' - even in a blog I can't accept that hint. The profanity kinda' came with the territory and my mindset at the time.
So, how about this [and here comes some more profanity] We say, Damn, the "smoking something" offense on my part, I'll say the cursing wasn't meant to be as disrespectful as it sounded coming from me, and you and I get on these blogs and get some intellegent Black Men created opinions out there into the blogosphere. I don't want you and me to be so busy in our man vs man pissing contest that we actually start to trivialize each others opinions.
Here's my hand, man... are you going to take it?
JJ-
I agree 100% with your point about being child-centric...
I also have seen the point you make about people [now vs then] who basically won't think about listening to a neighbor or a teacher that says anything close to, "Your kid was bad today because..."
You asked how old I was... I'm 37 and I'm old enough to have experenced the time when pretty much ANY adult in the neighborhood had unwritted [yet valid] permission to whup that tail when you stepped out of line out in the street. And, yes - Mom and Dad hooked you up a second time when you got home.
LOL. I'm a girl...lol. But point taken. I have been accused in the past of getting to riled up in "pissing contests" if you will...
I thought the :-) might have given away the sex...lol.
Anywho,
I agree kids have access to images that they probably shouldn't have access to. And a level of freedom that I find astounding...street lights anyone?
They have more money (that many didn't have to work for) and parent swho spend too much time coddling them...
I don't know, it's a mess and I see a lot of the adults that ir creates. Let me tell you, it ain't pretty.
Wait one freakin' minute! My one time blogging nemisis "JJ" is not some Dude with a chip on his shoulder and a moustached scowl on his mug? Instead HE is a SHE?
Wow, I don't know at what point I just took you for being a guy. I'm speechless.
Does it make me a chauvinist, for feeling a little bad for being so brusk with you?
I probably would have made the same points, but I doubt if I would have been like, "Dude, go jump in a lake..." : )
So, uh - can I still get that handshake? You're comments and opinions [even where we may differ] make my blog stronger!
Kids DO seem to have a ton of money these days. The ONLY way I got money, before I got my first job at 16, was to make my lunch and keep the $1.50 my parents gave me for school lunch! When I got my first job (2 days a week for about $40 net) I had to give my parents a small amount on the 1st of each month (to teach me a little responsibility) - after motorcycle magazines and 45 RPM records, I didn't have enough for fancy shoes and all this fluff these kids have now.
I'd love to send about 6 - 16 year olds back to 1984 and see how different things were. They'd probably lose their minds!!!
Anonymous here I am checking out other comments and I come across yours. I disagree because parents learned how to be better parents through interaction in the village.
Parents had resources in the village. And that was a very valuable thing. See we as a society have gotten away from the MORALS & VALUES that once resided in our black communities. Now this does not apply to all black communities but most. Allow me to go back in time for a second...
I am 40 (for the record) and have lived in DC all my life. And I have been in some of the neighborhoods where people didn't have much but the took pride as a neighborhood and the children respected that. Now let's fast forward. I lived in a neighborhood about 8 years ago where most of the makeup was welfare recipients.
Now I was unemployed and had to deal with my own personal whatevers but the atmosphere was like being in a crab barrel. There was more talk about "What we don't have" and when someone in the neighborhood was able to move forward the rest of the village just basically turned their backs or HATED on the success.
This is why we face the issues we do today. No matter how much we go back and forth about it we are all in some way guilty (including me) for things being the way they are.
It is time to stop making excuses and start beating their little asses like we used to get.
TTBM,
you're funy (in a very intelligent way) dude
I read one comment from a "youth" who cried that he got into trouble in DC because he was bored...!
WTF. We are fortunate enough to live in the Capital City of the World's Superpower, next to a big river with (albeit maybe inedible) fish, with biking, running, hiking and walking trails, FREE museums (FREE), and a sports and entertainment culture that's getting more vibrant every day.
How about getting a job and making some money the honest way so you young brotha's can take your girls out for some good clean fun times? This applies to the young ladies also... DC needs more lifeguards at pools; the city was practically giving away Red Cross Instruction (usually $250+) to encourage young folks to learn a valuable skill and earn some great money for just sitting outside at the pool gettin some sun and preening for the opposite (or same...) gender. Learning to swim isn't boring; if you get bored half way down the pool, you can drown.
If only more black parents could send their kids (with their churches or other groups) to other countries, ideally Africa, where people are really bored because of really poor economies.
LOL...No mustache. A scowl perhaps...
No, that just means ur momma taught u to be a little nicer to girls than boys...nothing wrong with that.
Ah, no problems being told to jump in the lake...I've been told much worse (I am argumentative in case u hadn't noticed:-))
So yeah...I'm all about the handshake...
Great! : )
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