15 January 2008

A special little place...


I'm a dad.
Being a DAD is a special thing. It's not the same thing as these numb-skulls that get women [and girls] pregnant and just roll out and treat their kids like lost socks... things you don't go back for.
Dad's do the damn thing!
Dad's worry about their kids; Dad's feel all of their kids pain 100 times more than the kids themselves; Dad's hear the sneezes and the coughs in the middle of the night and we go pull the covers up on our babies; Dad's protect and place nothing at a higher premium than the safety of our children. While very few of us will say we deserve it, there IS a special little place in heaven for real Dads.
But there is another little "special place" I hope, for fathers like Lam Luong.
Lam Luong is the guy that threw his four babies off of an 80 foot bridge in Bayou LaBatre, Alabama last week.
I hope that there is a special little place in hell for fathers like him.
Things effect me very deeply, usually to my detriment - the night after I heard about this insane and senseless quadruple homicide I barely slept. I tossed and turned and tried to keep my eyes closed for more than a few minutes at a time, but it didn't work. I sat on the edge of my bed for a long time around 2:30AM. I just keep thinking about how confused and terrified those children felt as the man that was supposed to be Dad, was murdering them. I just couldn't get the feel of drowning babies out of my head. I wonder if they understood that they didn't do anything wrong. I couldn't understand how this could happen. I found myself praying that God snatched these babies souls before they hit that water and they never felt a thing. (This is what I usually hope and pray when people die, especially from violence.)
I found myself wishing that I could have just two minutes alone with Lam Luong. Two minutes to reach into some of the darker places in my primal being and two minutes to show him the terror and pain his dying children felt. But I knew that that wasn't right. He had broken the rules of our fraternity, not me, and there was no reason that should corrupt my soul because of his ill deeds. So I could only hope that there was a special little place in hell for fathers that murder their babies.
How was I to get to sleep? After a long bout with my own rage and anger, I wandered down the hall to my kids room and watched them sleep. MY KIDS. MY SONS. MY ANGELS. I went over and sat on the bottom bunk bed, where my youngest sleeps. After a few minutes, I laid down and pulled the covers up over myself and drifted off into a peaceful sleep next to him. Maybe I was the one who needed protecting that night.
TTBM

13 comments:

B. Good said...

Awww, the image of you sleeping soundly with your son in his bunk bed is too precious.

Yeah, this story is indeed horrifying. I think about the kids and how scared and confused they must have been. I can't even imagine how someone can do that to their own innocent little ones, let alone someone else's. But I know its not for me to understand, and I'm glad that I don't understand. That at least lets me know that I'm not capable of doing the same.

Those poor, sweet babies.

The Thinking Black Man said...

Hey B.GOOD. I didn't think of it that way either. MAYBE that IS a REALLY good thing like you said, MAYBE it just isn't for ME to understand, because my heart and soul could never be that dark. I think that simple [but deep] fact is just what I needed to hear!

Mizrepresent said...

That was beautiful and i so feel you...when i heard the same, i just couldn't imagine why anyone could or would do such a thing...i freakout over my son arriving just a minute late from when he is supposed to be here...i love my children so much that i know i would gladly risk my life for them in any case...how could he do such a thing is beyond me. God i love my kids with every beat of me...i can't understand how some don't.

Erica C. said...

My three girls are the very breath I breath. If they were to ever be taken away from me I would suffocate.

Lam Luong's actions were cruel and unspeakable.

He will soon face his truths.

Lovebabz said...

I am sorry I happened upon your blog today. I was not in the mood for this. I was hoping for some commentary on Bob Johnson's foot in mouth and Ass comments or perhaps about the race overall. Not this.

I am the mother of 4 adopted kids who have been abused and abandoned and there but for the grace of God they were not killed.

I must say as I am transforming my life and atoning for my myriad of sins. I cannot help but feel some sense of sadness for this man. I will hold him in my prayers. I have no judgement for him--I will leave that to God. I do know that whatever the reasons that those children met their earthly end, it is a part of a bigger and precise plan. I believe everyday we are given a fresh opportunity to tap into our humanity. Each one of us can and should learn from each other.

I can't imagine killing my kids, but I do know that his pain and mental state had to be so overwhelming that he could not tap into his own humanity. It is easy to love someone when they do all that we deem appropriate. But the real test of our faith and understanding of true love is to pull someone up when they are down.

Keep your children close and hug them often. That is your obligation and I beleive this tragedy was orchestrated just for that purpose.

Veronica said...

I share your pain. Sometimes I feel like I need a break from the news because I too feel these things too deeply.

The picture of these kids and what they must have felt like is...unthinkable. Like you said, we can only hope their souls were taken before they felt it.

I have to believe this man was mentally ill, but somehow, that just doesn't make you feel any better, does it?

Ridwan said...

He needs to burn brother. I share your disgust.

Good to read you TTBM.

Best wishes to you from South Africa.

Peace,
Ridwan

Lola Gets said...

Thanks for coming by my blog!

L

Gunfighter said...

I think they should let him out of prison.

I really do.

If they let him out of prison, I could use him for target practice.

The Thinking Black Man said...

Hi there MIZREPRESENT! I can't imagine what was going on with this guy. I've heard some things about drug use... but I just think there was some true evil going on that day!

Thanks for dropping that comment ERICA C!!!!

Hey LOVEBABZ! How are you?!?! I certainly know that withholding judgement and praying for people is the sign of a truly "bigger" person - I applaud your strength there! Sadly, I'm yet to mature to that point. : ( Thanks for such a great comment!

Hi VERONICA, I feel your need to step away from the news sometimes. Days after these kinds of heart wrenching crimes, I tend to skip the fisrt 10 minutes of the news - you know "if it bleeds it leads!" Thanks for your comment!

RIDWAN! Hey Brother!!! Thanks for checking in!!!

Hey LOLA! You know YOU keep me smiling!

GUNFIGHTER! My Brother!!!

All I can say is... Can I bring my Mossberg?!?!?

ZACK said...

I commend you on setting such a good example for all men, not just black men.

Great post! You are a good father, based on what I've read so far.

Lovebabz said...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

POST MORE OFTEN WILL YOU! (SMILE)

Gunfighter said...

Hey!

TTBM, hit me up on the email, brother!