A few posts ago I wrote about women who give LOVE a bad name. These women allow themselves to be neglected by the men they think they love. These women [and some men] allow themselves to be continually mistreated because they think love justifies the abuse heaped upon them.
Then fellow blogger Evia said...
"I can appreciate that this irks you because it beyond irks me , but can you present some alternatives for these sistas?"
I think the alternatives to allowing ones-self to be another persons doormat, lies within the person themselves.
FIRST and FOREMOST women have to get a grip on the whole self-esteem issue! It wasn't until recent years that I began to understand just how big self-esteem is to women. I think women with low to no self esteem will allow men to emotionally dog them and drag them down into the gutter. These women use men and mens affections to find VALIDATION in themselves. Women, please stop this bullsh*t. Yeah, its easy for me to say, I'm a guy. But, my gender aside - I know I am somebody special without a woman on my arm! Look in the mirror and say the same thing about yourself!!!
If you are reading this and are saying, "Oh, you just don't understand. It's hard to have high self esteem..." To you I say, stop making excuses, lift that damn chin of yours up and declare that you are worthy! Say that sh-t out loud 20 times if you need to! But, you have to bring it into being and you have to do it yourself!
And if you find yourself involved with people that want to step on your self esteem once you've built it up - say to them, "I don't need you and I don't need this!"
You don't need anybody in your life that is not holding a watering can and a spade when they come to see you!
Now, let me explain that: See, your self esteem is like a rose bush that you have planted and watched grow for years and years. The people you let into your life have to interact with this rose bush. You will find some that want to clip and cut your blooms and others that just want to trample into it - these are the negative people... you kick these people in the ass and get them out of your life, they do NOTHING good for your self esteem. Then on the other hand, you have the people with the watering can and the spade - they always add some water to the bush's roots and they always sprinkle a little fertilizer at the base of your bush. You keep these people around because they keep your self esteem healthy and upright!
Before I got married, I had my fair share of dates. When I wasn't dating or didn't have a girlfriend - I still had MYSELF, a valid, decent, caring and compassionate person. Everyone has to find the qualities that make you a valid person to yourself. Ain't no man in the world gonna' make you anymore valid with his presence than your are without it! This whole "You complete me" bullsh*t that Tom Cruise dropped in 'Jerry McGuire' - it sounded great in the movie and it was real smooth when he used it, but ladies - that was HOLLYWOOD, and you all live in the real world! That concept is bullsh*t, nothing more.
If you are not complete before you meet your man, you never will be complete!
If you are walking around thinking that you need a man to complete you, and then you find a man and you foolishly think that you are complete, and your man leaves, dies or divorces you... you will find yourself in a world of sh*t because now you will be incomplete again. This is why I say the 'you complete me' concept is bullsh*t. Ladies, you complete yourselves! Don't use a man to validate yourself!
NEEDING vs WANTING:
Another alternative to 'Giving Love a Bad Name' is to stop 'needing' your man, ladies. Yeah - STOP NEEDING YOUR MAN!!! No REAL man wants to be needed! We want to be WANTED! When you ladies NEED a man, what you are doing is you are putting your life in his hands. You are putting your physical and mental and emotional essence in his hands and demanding that he not drop you! And when he drops you, you lie there at his feet for him to pick up and reassemble as he sees fit. That's why we see these broken women allowing their 'men' to treat them like crap, they have been emotionally dropped by their men and their men have put them back together in a weaker and needier format built around the man and his WANTS. Thus these women allow themselves to be dogged and to be playthings.
Ladies, if you don't WANT your man, then don't be with him.It IS as simple as that.
How can you tell a WANT from a NEED. Try this...
WANTS make life better, NEEDS make you live.
You NEED air to breathe, without it you die:
Don't NEED your man, because you may do stupid things just to keep him for fear of emotional death.
You WANT icing on your cake, sweeter cake tastes better:
A good, loving man holding your hand on a sandy beach, makes the beach a little nicer. He accents the beach, he doesn't make it sandy and warm.
The man you WANT will more than likey be a good person and the best person to protect your heart.
Building your own self esteem, being a complete person alone and wanting what is best for your heart will prepare you for the true love you desire and it will show you the power and greatness of love. It will not bring you the abused and painful love of those who know not what it is.