13 September 2006
You Give Love a Bad Name...
I ran into an acquaintance of mine not too long ago. She didn't look happy.
Not that I am in the best shape of my life, but she had noticeably gained weight. Years ago, when she was married, I remember that she had gained weight towards the end when she was really getting emotionally beaten down. It was then that her husband started neglecting her and he started cheating on her and eventually he left her and their child for a white woman. This acquaintance of mine, bucked up though. She lifted her head up and made incredible strides in improving her health, her professional status and became a super mom! I had a great deal of respect for her accomplishments.
One thing stood out though. She always had this 'hungry' tone in her voice when she spoke about her ex-husband. He did some doggy sh-t to her after he left her, real ignorant, unforgivable stuff. Even after he married the woman he left her for, she still had this weird tone in her voice when she talked about him. I call it 'weird' because frankly it sounded like she still had deep feelings for him. After the terrible things he did to her, it made me uncomfortable to hear the hunger in her voice, when she spoke about him. Okay - okay - enough beating around the bush... I knew she still wanted him, and I knew eventually he was going to be having his cake and eating it too!!! I was right.
Now, she's got what she wants. Homeboy has left his mistress/wife and come back to his sister, even though he hasn’t re-married her. And now, she doesn't look happy. She's gained her weight back and she's done some things that have given him tremendous control over her life. If you ask her why, she shrugs her shoulders and mumbles, "Because, I love him."
I can't begin to tell anyone how angry it makes me when women allow men to do some of the most insensitive, unthoughtful, cruel and self-centered things in the world to them all in the name of LOVE. Now, I know some men are stupid and let women do all kinds of dumb things to them too, and they come moping around talking about, "but I love her..." But, by and by with all things being equal, most guys with a ‘set’ will tolerate but so much BS before telling their women, "Baby, it's over. I'm done with this nonsense!" I've had to do this a couple of times myself and it's not that hard to do once the BS gets knee deep.
From my perspective, Women are the major culprits when it comes to letting yourself get treated like crap all in the name of love. These women give Love a bad name!
Love is not a permission slip for people to treat others like dirt. Love does not give one person a free-pass to treat another person like sh-t. Love is not something someone uses to humiliate and degrade another person. Love is not what someone feels when they lie to you, cheat on you, and manipulate you. Love is not what is going on between you and your man when he comes home smelling like women's perfume and sweat. Love is not what you have when your man would rather be in jail than in your arms. Love is not the time you spend in your man's arms crying after he has finished beating your ass. Love is not your man forgetting to pick you up from the bustop in the rain, while he's playing Madden with his boys. Love is not the baby your man made with the girl down the street when he had that week moment in April.
Is my point clear here?
I think there are significant self-esteem issues here. The old dreaded ‘self esteem’ - the main cause for over eating, sleepless nights, suicide, promiscuity, drug use and any countless number of problems that young women have. And here again, the lack of self-esteem causes some of these women to think they need the so-called ‘love’ of these sorry assed guys in their lives. This whole thing makes me so angry.
"I love him, even though he hits me..."
"I love him, even though he cheats a little..."
"I love him, even though he doesn’t know he loves me..."
"I love him, even though he doesn’t talk to me..."
Nothing would make me happier than to have these women stop allowing men to just run them over with bullshit all in the name of love. Damn-it, these women need to stop blaming Love for their own foolishness. Love is a good thing. Love is respect, commitment, consideration and thoughtfulness. These women that say, "My man treats me bad, but I love him," they are doing nothing more than furthering the favorite mottos of other women:
"...all men are dogs"
"...men don't know how to be faithful."
For the sake of the millions of men OF ALL RACES that know how to treat our women, stop using love as an excuse for not leaving a loser! Stop claiming to love guys that just aren’t worth your time! Stop using love to wash away the fact that your man treats you like a carpet! Just stop giving love a bad name! Find a way to look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I deserve better."