03 July 2006


I witnessed something this evening that sadly amused me.

It left me thinking… some of these Brothers gotta’ step their game up.

I was in line at a 7-11 and I was a few people behind this young Brother that was buying some sodas and snacks. He was about 20, with a head full of long twists. And, he had on Tweety Bird underwear. How do I know? Well, because his pants were hanging half off his ass, weighted down by his two cellphones.

I noticed this young woman, a little younger looking than him had tossed a soda and some cookies on the counter in front of him. The register guy bagged their snacks up and the dude with the drooping pants picked up the bags and quickly walked out of the store. I was puzzled because he didn’t pay for anything.

Without missing a step, the young girl pulled out her wallet and swiped her credit card to pay for their food. I was instantly drawn back to a conversation I had with a female friend of mine a few weeks ago…

My friend was telling me about her girlfriend who has this deadbeat boyfriend, we'll call him Brandon. He always boasts about how he’s the man and he handles his business, but when they go out at night SHE always pays. There have been numerous times when she has literally reached in her purse and slipped Brandon cash under the table, so that it appears to anyone around that HE is the one paying for dinner, not her. On those occasions when they are not close enough for the slip-job, once the bill comes, Brandon gets up and leaves the restaurant. He physically walks away from everyone at the table and waits outside the building – and he is not getting up for a quick smoke. He leaves because he is too big a man [in his eyes] to be seen having a woman pay for his meal. He is too proud to appear to have a woman covering his expenses. Yet, this is the case.

I think the same holds true for this Brother I saw last night. He was too proud to be seen having his woman paying for $12 in sodas and cookies.

Now, I thought for a moment – that anything could have happened earlier in the day. He could have spent $500 on his lady for all I know… but you know why that doesn’t make sense to me? Because, HE WALKED OUT. Why walk out? Why act so proud? Or, why act so shamed? If you are handling your business and your lady is paying for something - be man enough to stay and stand there by her side. Don't act ashamed.

I think he knew his game was lame, just like Brandon, above.

Now, there’s no real big deal with a woman that makes more than a man – that happens. And, there’s no big deal with women and men taking turns sometimes covering expenses. For me personally, I’ve always tried [at least most of the time] to cover dating and ‘being out’ expenses – but that’s ME and I’ve been blessed with a pretty good job. But I know that that is not always the case and the true measure of a man is not the volume of his paycheck. So I’m a little let down that these men choose to act "to good" to have their woman paying for them.

I think what is really shameful to me is that you have some men that are to proud to stand beside their women except when they may be looking a little less than "The Man." The worst part still is that it may not be an issue of who makes more in these relationships - it may simply be a case of these men using these women and the women are just so desparate to "have a man" that they are willing to cover these losers expenses.

Ladies, if your man is always broke and you're always paying for dinner and movies, etc. Please leave his ass. He is a scrub.



Native Son said...

couldn't agree wit hyou more man. Isee that all the time and I just think to myself. We have got to step it up and represent. I know as black men we are under a lot of stress but we can't let that break us

Ann said...


Black men are under no more stress than black women. They just use black women as things and scapegoats because too many black men are too quick to give up and throw in the towel.

Black men (those who are guilty of it) need to stop being leeches and parasites.

My advice to all the black women of America:

-Stop letting black men use you;
-Accept the fact that you should put your health (physical, psychological and emotional) foremost; it is your life, and you alone are the only one who can and should take care of it;
-For the next 10 years, black women need to close their pocket books, and close their legs to black men, and all men for that matter. Since black men have learned from Massa how to use and destroy black women, black women need to say "No" to black men until they learn how to become "men" and stop acting like cheap-ass imitations of the real thing.

Fifteen years of no sex will give black men a very different outlook on life.

Hell, I am sure it will give any man a different outlook on life.

But, what the heck, this is obviously what black men want; to beat down and use black women up, like Massa, whom they so love to emulate.

No sense in black women giving away what no man wants or will appreciate.

So, I say, give 'em not what they want. Give 'em what they need.

A wake-up call.

Let's see how long black men can do without black women.

Now if only the black women could have the strength to do this celibacy moratorium.

Yeah, in a perfect world.

Ann said...

"Fifteen years of no sex will give black men a very different outlook on life."

I originally advocated 15 years of celibacy for black women, for their own psychological and physical well-being.

But, I instead toned it down to 10 years.

Not that many black women will take me up on the offer.

brown-starns said...

i must be the only one that dose not see anything wrong with this. as for ann, you would probably be doing us a favor by not giving us sex.

Ann said...


"As for ann, you would probably be doing us a favor by not giving us sex."

Brown, you should be so lucky to have sex with me.

But, you will never be that fortunate to have a woman in your life who does not use men; who is not a leech with men; who has not used and abused her body. Who has too much respect for herself, to where she has lived her life to offer the very best that a woman can offer a man.

But, you probably would not know a decent woman if she came up to you.

I know that there are some men who could not have the stamina to say "No" to a selfish me-myself-and-I lifestyle that so many men have sunk to living.

But, hey, it can be done.

If black women can hang in there with black men, through thick and thin, so can black men do just as much for the black women in their lives.

And brownstarnes, let's face facts.

Yes, there are many black men out there who are keeping it real.

But, on the other hand, the fact must be faced that there are some black men who use black women up until the woman is nothing more than a discarded husk.

And black women should have a right to treat their bodies and their lives with the utmost respect. And that is respect from all men, no matter what their race is. It is the only body she will have, and she should not be vilified because she considers her body a temple and to be respected.

And these black men who want all that a black woman can give, but are all too unwilling to give anything in return, are the ones that black women should not cast their pearls before swine to.

There are "real" black men out there in the world, just as there are "fake" black men.

A "real" black man does not lay upon and leech the life out of a woman; a real black man does not walk away out of shame when she pays for his way, as well as hers.
A real black man appreciates all that the woman in his life does for him.

A "fake" man cowers and runs.

Hey, and that's not to say this about just black men.

This is for any many who play-acts at being a man.

If black women can face day-to-day pressures this world has to throw at them, surely, the man can be just a little bit stronger with her.
And I know I am not asking for too much that men be men.

Ann said...

Clarification on a previous post:

Should have read:

"This is for any man who play-acts at being a man."

Anonymous said...

Yep, there are a lot of sad useless, worthless bamas out there.

The Thinking Black Man said...

I don't know whats up with some of these guys. A man... a real man has to have his pride. Having your lady pay for your food and your snacks and who knows what else might seem like you're running the ultimate game. But, you're not. You're not a pimp, you're not a player... you're a bum. If you can't afford your expenses and a decent portion [if not all] of you lady's 'being out' expenses - then you need to either chill by yourself, live on a budget or pull some overtime at the job. Whenever my funds got tight when I was dating, I just chilled and went a few weeks /months hanging by myself. Last time I checked, fellas' THAT was no crime. The sisters will still be around [somewhere] next weekend, stay in and don't be a bum.