A few entries ago, I posted a comment on Black Men and White Women. I receieved some really good feedback from several women. (Thanks Ladies for reading my blog!!!)
One woman, a Black Woman mentioned how tough the dating scene had gotten - sticking with just The Brothers. She mentioned that she and her girlfriends of color are considering broadening their dating horizons and accepting the invitations of men outside the Black race.
How do I feel about this? Hmmm...
Well, I still stand firm behind my opinion - I do not like people to devalue their own race because of inbred stereotypes and run to the arms of other races because they think others are better because of skin color, eye color or hair type.
But, when it comes to Sista's accepting dates from men of other races. I have to say, "I understand..."
When I was a single guy, 7 or 8 years ago and I heard Black Women saying that they were thinking about going out with white guys or Latinos or Italians or whatever. I was pissed! I'm not even going to lie. I was pissed! But, I honestly think that was caused by ego. I guess I figured... "Hey, I'm a single, straight, intelligent and gainfully employed Black Man. What's wrong with me?" But it took me and my little ego some time to realize that it wasn't about Trina or Shelly not wanting to date ME per se - it was about decent Sista's just being tired of some of the bullshit that some of these Brother's were dishing out on the dating scene.
By working with countless Black women, and being fairly easy to talk too, I had heard a million stories about Brothers trying to run games on the Sista's. Of course not all Brothers try and run game, but unfortunately a lot do.
I think so many guys are allowed to get away with the lies and the bullshit that that is all they know how to bring to the table. So, when I hear about Black Women willing to go out with men of other races, I understand that it comes down to happiness and respect. Now keep in mind that these women aren't saying "Oh, I'll never date another Black Man because ALL Black Men are dogs!" What they are saying is "If Todd or Hector or Sergei calls me up and invites me out for drinks or dinner - I'M GOING TO SAY YES."
What does this mean for the Brothers?
It means that the single Brothers out on the dating scene need to treat our Black Women better. I'm not saying Brothers have to run down the isle after dating for three weeks, but they have to represent all of us better. Playing a whole bunch of games and doing a lot of underhanded disrespectful crap is only going to drive our women into the arms of the blue eyed masses.
What does this mean for the Sista's?
Never settle for less than you deserve - from within or without your race.
TTBM
8 comments:
I think this is an interesting post.
The incarceration rate also has something to do with this. If the criminal justice system did not increase the incarceration rate of "black" men so much, then there would be more African-American men for African-American women to date. Nonetheless, running games are likely to reflect the internalization of white racist patriarchy among African-American men.
THANK YOU! I couldn't have said it better myself.
I have dated and had romantic relationships with 3 groups of men mainly: African-American, African, and white. My first marriage was to a Black (Nigerian) man, but when I re-married, I married a white guy.
See my blog at:
http://www.bfinterracialmarriage.blogspot.com
Prior to dating and marrying my current husband, I dated one African-American man for a year. I thought that our loving relationship would lead to marriage. It didn't because though the claimed he loved me and though he claimed he wanted us to always be together, he couldn't understand why we should get married. He, instead, just wanted to "shack up." He wanted all the benefits of marriage without the piece of paper and kept accusing me of being "old-fashioned" for wanting to make it legal.
In the course of my dating experiences and from observing the relationships of others, I have come to some conclusions about these 3 groups of men, I found that both African men and white men "know" that IF the relationship works out, then the next step will be marriage. That's logical to them. However, MANY African-American men are very resistant to getting married and may want the woman but don't want to legally commit.
My thing is that if a man loves a woman, he will want to commit to her in every way possible and will do so. Other than that, he is using her.
When I re-married, I married a white man. See my blog at
http://www.bfinterracialmarriage.blogspot.com
I have dated and had romantic relationships mainly with 3 groups of men:African-American, African, and white. Earlier in my life, I dated several Africans and my first marriage was to a Nigerian man. I had a very satisfying, positive marriage with him and when our differing life goals forced us to divorce, I want to re-marry.
When I started dating again, I dated all 3 groups again, but mainly African-American and white men. Both African men and white men understand that if the relationship is working out well, then marriage is the next step. However, I found that African-American men are very resistant to marriage. In my experience and from other relationships I've observed, they tend to want all the perks of marriage, but don't want to make a legal commitment.
Before meeting and marrying my current husband, I was in a year long relationship with an AA guy who claimed he loved me and claimed that he wanted us to be together forever, but kept accusing me of being "old-fashioned because I wanted to get married."
I think that if a man loves a woman and is truly emotionally committed to her, he will want to make a committment in every way possible, and it's not in a woman's best interests to settle for less.
When I re-married, I married a white man. See my blog at
http://www.bfinterracialmarriage.blogspot.com
I have dated and had romantic relationships mainly with 3 groups of men:African-American, African, and white. Earlier in my life, I dated several Africans and my first marriage was to a Nigerian man. I had a very satisfying, positive marriage with him and when our differing life goals forced us to divorce, I want to re-marry.
When I started dating again, I dated all 3 groups again, but mainly African-American and white men. Both African men and white men understand that if the relationship is working out well, then marriage is the next step. However, I found that African-American men are very resistant to marriage. In my experience and from other relationships I've observed, they tend to want all the perks of marriage, but don't want to make a legal commitment.
Before meeting and marrying my current husband, I was in a year long relationship with an AA guy who claimed he loved me and claimed that he wanted us to be together forever, but kept accusing me of being "old-fashioned because I wanted to get married."
I think that if a man loves a woman and is truly emotionally committed to her, he will want to make a committment in every way possible, and it's not in a woman's best interests to settle for less.
Thank you all Ladies for your comments! I appreciate you all taking the time to visit The Thinking Black Man, and I'm humbled by, and appreciative of, the thoughts you've shared. From now on, I will be personally responding to each individual comment left on my blog. Your comments are important to me and I want to make sure I'm respectful to my fellow bloggers!
Thanks again!
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Good article keep posting this type of articles..............
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